"I wish to God the Commander’d keep his fences" said Spin as he tripped over barbed wire in the dark tearing his trousers and cutting his shin.
"Shut up and put that light out" said Morty, "or you’ll have Kenny on our backs."
Morty and Spin spent much of their spare time trying to avoid Kenny the Commander’s ‘gamekeeper’. Kenny’s father had been the gamekeeper in the old Colonel's time and he fancied the title and the work. In fact Kenny spent his time doing anything and everything around The Park, from chopping sticks to keeping an eye on the Commander’s few remaining cattle. At night he made Morty and Spin’s life difficult as they went about their business snaring rabbits.
Kenny was not the only one living in the past. The Commander who was now elderly made few concessions to the passage of time; he was entirely unable to adapt. He was slightly fay, but a gentleman in every sense of the word.
The house was vast; twelve bedrooms, dining and drawing room with a saloon between, a library, ballroom, billiard room, a host of other small rooms and a nursery wing. The Commander and his wife lived between the kitchen, the dining room and the saloon. In cold weather they abandoned the saloon for a small room off the billiard room. The drawing room was almost never used, there were rooms in the house that the family never entered from one end of the year to the other and the ballroom was used once a year for the hunt ball. In this mansion of a house one man was employed, Landers, to cook and to perform other essential household duties.
The people in the village treated the family indulgently. It was clear that in economic terms the village was in the ascendant and the family in decline.
"To hell with Kenny," said Spin. "I’m after cuttin’ me leg."
"Put the shaggin’ light out, you can look at it later", Morty shouted under his breath.
They picked their way through the wood to the fields beyond, to inspect the snares. When they had finished checking they had eleven rabbits; a good night’s work. It was pitch black and the wood was uncannily still. Suddenly large drops of rain bombarded the trees and quickly penetrated to the two below. They quickened their pace along the track beside the high wall when suddenly a bright light ahead dazzled them. They were trapped. The wall was too high and the undergrowth on the other side too dense.
"Mr Morton and Mr Moran" came Kenny’s voice sarcastically from behind the large flashlight.
Dropping the rabbits they turned and ran back to a spot where they could scale the wall and jump into the field on the other side. They crossed the ditch onto the road and, wet to the skin, walked back to the village.
This was it. Kenny had always threatened that when he caught them red-handed he’d have them up in court, and true to his word in due course Morty and Spin received summonses. They were fined five pounds each, but what galled them was that Kenny had won and the court report in the local paper informed the whole countryside of their humiliation.
The event of the year at The Park was the Hunt Ball. It was the night the Commander and his wife came into their own, when the whole house came alive in a way reminiscent of the past. Weeks before the event, preparations began and Kenny, the outside man, and Landers, the inside man, who detested each other, did nothing else but prepare the house for the big event.
Landers was an ally of Morty and Spin, and Kenny was their common enemy. So when Morty decided that he and Spin were going to attend the hunt ball the first thing they did was to consult Landers. They confirmed that as it was a fundraiser for the hunt anyone could buy tickets; the only condition of admission was evening dress. They reckoned they could come up with the money if Landers could come up with the suits.
A week before the night, Morty got a message to say that he and Spin were to go to the kitchen door in the stable yard at ten o’clock the following evening. Landers met them and took them through the kitchen to a small room off the back stairs beside his bedroom. There he had two evening suits, one that had been the old Colonel’s and the other a discarded one of the Commander’s. Landers helped Morty with the Commander’s suit and Spin with the Colonel’s. The smell of mothballs nearly asphyxiated them, and with a supply of safety-pins Landers succeeded in getting the two into the suits. As soon as Morty was dressed he drew himself up to his full height and aping the Commander addressed Landers:
"Send me that fellow Kenny ‘til I give him a piece of my mind" and turning to Spin he declaimed: "The man’s a fool you know, a fool."
"Take off the suits," said Landers, "I’ll wrap them and bring them with you now"
On the night of the ball Morty called to Spin’s house for Spin’s sister to help them into the suits. She had Spin togged out to look, more or less, like a gentleman in no time, and after much pulling and shoving Morty was as well presented as possible. Morty led the way down the village, his chest puffed out like a turkey cock, hoping as many people as possible would see him. Spin struggled to keep up hoping that nobody would notice him as he still wasn’t convinced of the wisdom of the escapade.
Their entrance to the pub was greeted with a great cheer. Most of the regulars didn’t think they would go through with it and in reparation for their doubting they kept buying them drink. Morty and Spin’s resolution to get to The Park early went by the board as they revelled in the admiration of their drinking companions.
When "time" was called the two were in good order. They headed up the village and, after a necessary stop behind one of The Park gates they made their way up the winding avenue, specially scuffled and edged for the occasion. When the house came into view it was ablaze with light and every window seemed to be open, letting out across the countryside the sound of the band and the boisterous noise of the dancers. Dusting down their suits and checking their ties they climbed the steps, presented their tickets at the door and went inside.
Morty and Spin knew the house well. They had worked in and around the place off and on, and had been through the house when the family was away, but this was the first time they had entered by the front door. Morty led the way through the inner hall to the passage leading to the ballroom from where the sound of music was deafening. They entered by the gallery and looked down on the mass of people on the floor below. It was packed. Despite open windows the heat was overpowering. The young couples, men in shirtsleeves and their partners mostly bare shouldered, were throwing themselves around with scant regard for anybody or anything, least of all the music, and crashing into older and more sedate couples trying, with great difficulty, to dance with some dignity. Morty and Spin retreated to the hall and went to look for the bar, which they found in the billiard room. The table was covered with boards on which the bottles were set out. The barmen were two men from the village.
"Begod Morty, I hardly knew you" said one of them when they came to the head of the queue, and to Spin, "Well aren’t ye the gas men."
"No doubt" said Morty imperiously, ignoring the comment "you haven’t got draught".
His suspicion confirmed, he ordered two bottles of stout. "We need all the help we can get," he added. They took their drinks and had no sooner settled into two chairs in the hall than there was a deafening blast on a hunting horn to announce that supper was served. They finished their drinks and followed the crowd towards the dining room where supper was served buffet style. With substantial helpings the two made for the hall again and finding their seats occupied, sat on the floor and balancing their plates with great difficulty on their knees, began to eat.
"Ah, Morton and Moran" came the Commander’s voice from above them.
With the fright they began to struggle to their feet, in the course of which Spin upended his plate into Morty’s lap. Morty began to brush himself down helped by the Commander.
"Thank you, sir, thank you sir," said Morty, "I’m fine", not wanting him to pay too close attention to the suit.
"Good of you to support us. I hope you’re enjoying the evening" the Commander said.
"Yes sir" they said in unison.
The commander moved on. He was in high spirits; it was his big night and it was going well; his only anxiety was the power supply. The house hadn’t been re-wired since electricity was first installed and fuses blew easily with overloading. Every year for the hunt ball the Commander armed Kenny with a set of replacement fuses and ordered him, on pain of his life, to stand by the fuseboard in the basement passage in case of emergencies.
The meal over, the music started up again. Morty and Spin went to the bar for more stout and took it back to the hall, which had been invaded by two groups of young bloods, who, cheered on by their ladies, faced each other across the hall. Uncorking bottles of champagne, they pointed them in menacing fashion at each other. There were two almost simultaneous pops and loud cheers as the two ‘gunners’ sprayed each other and everybody else in the hall.
"Gintlemen how are ye!" said Morty as the two escaped along the passage towards the ballroom.
"The time has come," said Morty as Spin followed him along the passage and down the back stairs.
"Where are we going?" asked Spin.
"You don’t think we came here to put up with that class of bad breedin’" replied Morty. "Follow me and go aisy."
Spin followed Morty down the stairs and along the basement passage. There was no one there, but they could hear voices from the kitchen. Morty sent Spin to make sure that the door to the stable yard at the end of the passage was open. It was.
"Stay where you are" Morty ordered Spin, and he turned back towards the kitchen where the fuseboard was high up on the passage wall. A stepladder was in place with a box of fuses on top. He could hear Kenny’s voice coming from the kitchen. Morty climbed the ladder gingerly and screwed out the main fuse. The house was plunged into darkness. The girls in the kitchen screamed. Morty put the fuse in with the spares and taking the box stole along the passage to Spin. Outside they stood at the door and listened. They heard Kenny swearing as he crashed into the steps. Recovering he climbed the ladder to find the box gone. He swore again. Somebody produced a torch. They heard the Commander’s voice:
"Kenny it’s the main fuse, put in the spare."
"Yes, sir" said Kenny "but I can’t find it, sir."
"What do you mean?" barked the Commander, "It’s in the box with the others."
"The box is gone" replied Kenny.
"What do you mean it’s gone? Gone where? Don’t be stupid man, find it."
"Come on," Morty whispered to Spin, and the two made their way across the stable yard and out through the paddock. When they were two fields away Morty threw the box of fuses into the ditch and they stopped and looked back. They stood for a moment in the moonlight while Morty lit a cigarette. The house was silent and in total darkness. ‘Good Old Kenny,’ said Morty, in mock idiom of the big house.
They made their way across the fields towards the cover of the wood.
"Sure when we’re this far" said Spin, "we might as well check the snares.